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Last Wednesday’s newsletter issue about medical gaslighting and this thread I read on LinkedIn about an unsupportive physical therapist made me think about times when healthcare professionals make it harder for patients to get the help they need. If patients don’t feel welcomed and treated as fellow human beings who need help, they aren’t going to seek help or they may wait until it’s too late.
It's up to us, as professionals, to realize the importance of how we say our words and how we come across. Yes, in many cases, we do have more health-related education than most of our patients, but that doesn’t mean we’re smarter or better than they are. It just means that we know more about that field than most others.
If patients don’t feel welcomed and treated as fellow human beings who need help, they aren’t going to seek help…
I remember when I worked at the bedside, I’d hear some nurses, doctors, and other professionals scolding patients. One might harp on how a patient didn’t stop smoking as they said they would, another would sigh and say, something like, “Well, I see in your diet journal that you ate chips several times last week. No wonder you’re not losing weight.” My particular issue is with some dental hygienists who choose to scold their patients for not keeping up their oral care, rather than trying to approach it in a friendlier, more productive manner.
I have lost count of the number of times I was scolded for not flossing my teeth. I have burning mouth syndrome and it hurts to put anything in my mouth. This information is in my chart. The fact that I do manage to brush my teeth twice a day is a win. But you know what? Even if I didn’t have BMS, the hygienist would still not have the right to scold me if I didn’t floss my teeth. She could ask me why I didn’t. Did I have trouble doing so? Was there stopping me from flossing? If so, can we figure out a workaround? All those questions, yes. But scolding? Absolutely not. I call it bullying. A person in authority trying to make their patient or client feel bad.
I refuse to tolerate it anymore. If a hygienist begins scolding, I stop her right there and say something to the effect of, “Stop. I am X years old and I refuse to be scolded by you. If you want to discuss this in a professional manner, we can, but if you continue to scold me, I will pick up and leave right now.” I’ve had to say it twice. Both were shocked. One denied scolding me and I repeated her words right back to her in the same tone she used. She looked shocked, never having realized how her words sounded. The other one stopped but just looked angry for the rest of the appointment. I don’t know if I made any difference in their approach to other patients, but at least the scolding stopped for me.
Do you speak up for yourself?
You know which hygienists I liked? The ones who looked at my chart and saw the obvious notation about my pain. And the ones who approached me with comments like, “I see your mouth is quite painful so I’ll be as gentle as I can.” And, after noticing that I don’t floss, saying something like, “I can see that the mouth pain is affecting your ability to floss. Have you tried [insert technique]? Maybe we can find a way for you to do this.”
So what do you do if you’re scolded? Do you speak up for yourself? It can be hard, especially in today’s healthcare environment and the fear of losing access to care. Some people can ignore the behavior and take from the provider relationship what they need. Others can’t. If this is you, maybe you could ask questions like:
Do you realize how you’re speaking to me?
Why are you speaking to me like that?
Could you be a bit more respectful?
Did you really mean to insult me like that?
Sometimes, providers just don’t know how they come across. They speak as they speak and no one has ever said anything about it. A polite question that challenges them may help them realize that they aren’t communicating as well as they believed.
Of course, not everyone feels comfortable doing that and sometimes speaking up doesn’t help. Then you have to consider if you want to escalate by speaking to a superior or if you want to change providers (if you can).
What do you think? Have you been scolded by a healthcare professional? Leave a comment below. Let’s get a conversation going.
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