Are Boys Destined for Worse Health Outcomes?
Men don’t like to seek medical help. Does that start in childhood?
It may be stereotypical, but how many of us know men who refuse to see a doctor for a general physical or when they are injured or sick until there is no other option? How many spouses have to take on the role of making appointments and pressuring the men in their lives (including teen sons) to take care of themselves? And how many men who do finally see a doctor are not entirely truthful about what is wrong? The answer is many; the American Heart Association calls this “misguided masculinity.”
This article from the U.K. is what prompted today’s newsletter: ‘Break the Silence’ campaign urges British fathers to discuss men's health issues with their sons.
While the Break the Silence campaign centers around cancer, it made me think about the messages our boys are getting if the men they love don’t take care of their own health. We don’t want our boys to grow up with illnesses that could have been prevented or treated before they became too serious.
Statistics show…
I know, not all men fall into what I just described. But is that description really that far off? Not according to the statistics.
According to a 2022 survey done by the Cleveland Clinic, 53% of men who are white and 63% of men of color don’t get regular health screenings. Most men overall don’t know their family history regarding cancer (64%) and or urological issues (77%). What may be worse? One in five men said that they aren’t always completely honest when they do see a doctor.
Why don’t men get regular check-ups as often as women do? There isn’t just one reason.
Women are conditioned to see healthcare professionals
I’m generalizing here, but I hope you understand that I mean most, not all men and women in the following situations.
Because of biology, women are often conditioned to see doctors regularly, starting when they have their first menstrual period. They may have to have regular appointments for contraception or obstetrical care if they have children. Men don’t have that need for evaluations and interventions in early adulthood, so the idea of going just to see if they’re ok may not make sense to them. After all, “If I’m feeling fine, why do I need to be seen?”
One in five men said that they aren’t always completely honest when they do see a doctor.
We could add to this that men are often conditioned to tough things out. So if they sustain an injury, they should walk it off or wait it out rather than go see a doctor. While growing up, how many boys were told “take it like a man,” or “act like a man,” if they were hurt? What about “boys don’t cry”?
“For centuries (at least!), boys and men have been socialized to be “strong” and “tough.” They’re taught, both implicitly and explicitly, that physical weakness is something to avoid – and if you can’t avoid it, you’d better hide it,” explains Jennifer L.W. Fink, RN, mother of four sons and author of Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males and the weekly Substack newsletter Building Boys Bulletin. But it’s not all society, she adds: “Some of males’ tendency to push through pain and injury or deny suffering to persist may have evolutionary roots too. In years past, we needed men and boys to keep fighting and working, despite pain and injury. Human survival depended on it.”
Men don’t talk to other men about intimate topics
Menstrual periods, ovulation, menopause, and other health issues are topics of conversation among many women. Talking about these issues helps women learn what is normal and what isn’t, and women support each other when it comes to seeking medical help and following treatment plans. Men, on the other hand, don’t usually talk about decreasing sexual performance, increasing urges to urinate, or anything else health related. They may compare injuries – a broken leg from this activity or a sore elbow from that one – but the conversations aren’t as frequent or as in-depth as what women may have.
“If I don’t know I have a problem, then I don’t have it.”
Men don’t want to get bad news, according to a urologist quoted in a New York Times article, “Why Do So Many Men Avoid Doctor’s Visits?” In other words, if you don’t get checked for health issues, you won’t be told you have one. Or if you aren’t feeling well, by not seeing the doctor, no one can tell you that you have cancer or some other serious illness.
And what about mental health?
Mental health is a whole other ballgame when it comes to seeking help. I don’t have anything to back me up on this, but I’d bet that many men would be more willing to talk about sexual dysfunction to a doctor than feelings of depression and anxiety. So-called masculine norms are still preventing men from seeking help for their mental health.
According to Fink, there is hope, but we still have work to do. “There’s a lot more awareness, even among elementary students and teens today, regarding emotions and mental health,” she says. “But many boys still don’t feel safe sharing their emotions with others. One researcher we spoke with on ON BOYS podcast told us that the number one reason boys don’t share their emotions and distress is because they “don’t want to burden others.” The number two reason is “fear of judgment.””
Helping boys not follow in their fathers’ footsteps
The Break the Silence campaign in the U.K. urges men to speak with their sons about their health, especially if there is a family history or genetic risk for certain diseases. During childhood, most healthcare is handled by a parent. As boys enter their teen years, they may be less likely to tell the responsible parent about pain or illness, especially if it’s related to mental health.
This can be a tricky road to navigate because, barring some things, teens can’t usually be made to do something they really don’t want to do. Fink offers some suggestions for parents, who find themselves in this position:
Role modeling: Take care of your health – and talk about why you’re doing the things you’re doing, like scheduling your physical, doing screening exams, or getting vaccines. Show him how you use apps or online communication systems to track your health, communicate with your healthcare provider, and schedule appointments. As he gets older, encourage him to log in and communicate with his providers directly – he may be more comfortable talking to them than you about certain issues.
Curiosity: Engage boys in communication. Talk about health-related news stories. Share something you read or heard and then ask your son what he heard and thinks. Note: He likely won’t agree with you on everything! He may express contrary opinions, and maybe even some that aren’t backed by science. Don’t jump all over him or criticize him. Express more curiosity. Ask why he thinks what he thinks. Share your point of view and sources of information. Your goal here isn’t to “win” but to share info, keep the lines of communication open, and encourage critical thinking.
Compassion: Express care and concern for your son when you see/sense he’s not feeling well. Offer to help him: I can make you some soup; Can I bring you some ibuprofen? etc. He may or may not take you up on those offers, especially as he gets older. That’s ok – your expression of concern and care shows him that it’s okay to hurt or feel sick, and okay to accept help. (You’re also subtly teaching him how to care for others when they are sick.)
“He may also need to learn from experience,” Fink says. “A boy who refuses to rest when he’s ill may get sicker. The teen who insists he doesn’t need to see a doctor when he’s got a high fever and sore throat (classic symptoms of strep throat) may eventually realize that he was sicker longer than peers or siblings who saw a doctor early on, received a proper diagnosis, and started antibiotic treatment.”
What do you think? How can we help boys flip the script on their health and become more proactive than reactive when it comes to wellness? Leave your thoughts in the comments section and let’s get a conversation going.
Haven’t subscribed yet? What’s holding you back? Click the Subscribe Now button!
I absolutely agree with you and I think the best way we can encourage others is to get the conversation going. In our society men are taught to be strong, and to not show any weakness. Unfortunately it only hurts them. As a mum and wife I try to help the men in my life to feel safe talking to me about their feelings and health concerns. When they were young I encouraged my boys to speak up with anything. I was fortunate in that we had a small farm so there were many teaching moments using examples of animals. Taking time to listen is the greatest gift for the people who are around you.